diepere dementie

Geschreven voor het optreden in het van Gogh Museum op 15 maart. Skipper Boetlek vroeg de kunstenaars om iets te schrijven geïnspireerd op het werk van Vincent van Gogh. Als kind werd ik geconfronteerd met een replica van café de nuit. Die heeft bij mijn oma in huis gehangen en toen mijn oma vanwege dementie het Sarphatihuis inging in amsterdam, kregen wij hem thuis. Pas veel later leerde ik van Goghs werk en achtergronden beter kennen.

diepere dementie

in een verdacht vreedzame ontmoetingsruimte
stellen vreemdelingen eenvoudige vragen
die veel zwaarder wegen dan voorheen
ze wrijft trillend
vingers over een kanten tafelkleedrand
pakt de neergelegde lepel op
en grijpt het oor vast en draait
met een vloeiende handbeweging
in haar theeglas
dit schurend roerijzerklankspel
zal klonten wel losweken

iedere dag begint weer
het oneindige onbekende
ze proeft de nieren
verdwalend in
en speurend naar
opnames van
afgebakend onderkennen

standvastig roerend
haar ogen gesloten
theeslokken earl grey
smaken naar rode wijnteugjes
en als het lepeltje over
de bodem schuift
klinkende kristalglazen helder

in die zomernacht blinkt ze uit
waar ze al eerder was
onder die geel verlichte lantaarn
twinkelt het terrastableau
met een opgemaakt stadsgezicht
onder heldere sterrenhemel
ontwart en ontspant ze
in het pittoreske achtergrondgeluid
het palet van bewogen gesprekken
met Bourgondische stemmen

waar ze zelf
vormen ontdekt
en kleuren mengt
vereeuwigd perspectief
van een opgegraven portret
aan haar binnenkamerwand

Rik Zutphen / skinfiltr8r

mirrored secrets

mirrored secrets


my soul is craving
to decipher secrets
of makeover divine
a facelift of the spirit

implement
the new being

hold me accountable
to the one who i mirror
when i fold into old skin
reflect the glory clearer

stat:chew on liberty (an unflowable rap)

Stat: chew on liberty

(prozac side-effects)
A mouth opened, sleep breathes in slowly
quite an impact on a frail and fragile body
muddy morning after, stuttering lift
hesitating initiative, fast forward is fasting
lazy delay, all´s gone how can one give
hazy day, all´s dead how can one live
how one´s humming a muse confused
roller-coaster ride in randomness for amusement

broom away this battalion of bodybagpipemusic
bruised postblues from rock bottom basements
confidence locked up in the kitchen cabinet
insecurity installed itself, its evident
futures in the drawer its features forgotten
freedom in thee is picking cotton
in shades of grey sorrows is pointing out slideshows
power off, plugged out, feel like a torso

from brainstorms to tornado´s with weakness
waking up, you only lay on the mattress sleepless
this meekness of mind will it ever endorse change
utilize the tools to rearrange
all questions in your head make some noise!!!
study at the faculty of fuelling voids
things are still the same on the other side of the story;
the strange stomach-aches of veiled glory

you´d wish the mirror to reflect instant difference
locked in, this tabernacle your dropped in,
have trouble accepting the frame
how can one be inside a building without an entrance

this labyrinth is a library of remembrance
bought a membercard to observe the membrane


trust and aim,
rust and rain,
loss and gain,


i´m not trained to trust
i´m chained to loss
i´m chained to rust

time as a deadly venom spreads through this body

New Creation, awe yeah

new creation

Astonishment, the birth of an artist
the heart squeezed in uncomfortable forms
creator pumps through veins like your blood is
see the unseen in sudden brainstorms
and mould it immediate with your handpalms

the sound is already there in the air floating
You just have to filter out thoughtnoise
feel carefully with your fingers then throw in
a silence before you tear down soundwalls

break the barriers, bear the image
a wardrobe of rhythm, grief in vintage
forgetting aforementioned and foretold
shoes that leave rubber burns on asphalt
ready to spread these enveloped lines
awe yeah, stand in awe yeah.

CatchmyBreath old spoken word 2005

Throw Your wind - catch my breath
Grab these empty lungs-
blow in everlasting breath
in this heart carve openings
And shove in your love
Shout sharp sentences
in ears stuffed with dust
Spirit scarecrow of fears
dry tears with soul written scrolls

There’s a hole in the bucket
before I dry come with fullness
Dig holes in hollowness
weave wholeness, healing

Inject rational cells
in my left alone left brain
and tame brainstorms on the right
keeping me up at night

Fill vacant and vague eyes
with your vibrancy and vision
arouse me from vain dreams
to blow blissful bubbles

build with this living stone
a body you can call your own
knit me a warm outfit
with endless red love-threads

unveil your glorious face
so i can mirror the embrace
I seek sneekers with wings
to walk golden streets

pinned to your promises
the wallpaper of heaven
please unseal these lips
blow me up with kissing wind

Let new crush into old
dugtape my ducking down soul
so that it will hold
forgive in sevenfold

Overpower weakness
this purple perseverance
beauty black and blue beaten
chewing on questions is eating me away

I´ve had my fair portion
Disrupt all this distortion
strip my thoughts naked
and clothe me in a righteous robe

Form the deformed me again
change has a short attention span
i´m wearing out
need the wardrobe of the new man
Reframe, Reform, Renew
Redo a masterpiece of you

open hands/ older spoken word 2005

Open hands

Strike structures
separating lines
and former forms

norms destroyed
avoided fortune
now tune in

spontaneous
creating aimless
combustion

compost
composition
come positions
come movement
and defend

the new thing
that hasn’t quite
happened
yet

the new thing
hasn't quite
happened yet

but
understand
it is at hand

Reaching out
grabbing
grasping
folding

what is at hand
Lend the future a helping hand

The has been
will fade away

the has been
fades away

The not yet
will blend in

surrender

the mist of ellipses

This is new poetry, more in the spoken word style that i´m familiar with.
On paper this is less strong than when its outspoken...


cut along the dotted line
shape a figure out of mine
free the photograph from its imprint
underscoring yesteryear
lips spill left-slanting letters
puncture a holistic
glimpse
of hereafter

the unfinished to do list
the black gel-mouse-pad
slicing the restless right wrist
Make a left fist, fight back

reminiscence of become
the thing to run from
maintenance of self
often causes a brain drain

a soft-spoken person
pressing outspoken pains
drumming on his membranes
fingerspell of failure

pre-historic wounds instilled
a holographic will
voids to fill, numerous
thrust forward a future

the jewelry around my neck
a string of beatdowns
selfmade and kept safe
glued to the things i lack

demystify the seconds
the clock ticks too slow
taekwando of black soul
creation´s-fall-chokeholds

fading out the figment
of imagination
stress manicures fingernails
thoughts frown a face

manoeuvres of mind
with far fetched rhymes
cause a commotion
cutting edges blindly

cut along the dotted line
shape a figure out of mine
free the photograph from its imprint
underscoring yesteryear
lips spill left-slanting letters
puncture a holistic
glimpse
of hereafter